7 Core Issues in Adoption. & Permanency: Rejection

Jul 26, 2020

Constellation members’ core losses are most often experienced as a form of social rejection.

Rejection is a perceived loss of social acceptance, group inclusion or a sense of belonging. Rejection can be real, imagined, or implied. People get their most basic needs met through human connectedness; being rejected or ostracized from a person, family, or community can leave an individual feeling a deep sense of abandonment and isolation. People describe feelings of unworthiness, being of little value, and a fear of future rejection.

Constellation members may personalize their core losses in order to gain a deeper understanding about what happened to them and what role they may have played in those events. In an unconscious attempt to avoid future losses and to regain control of their life’s journey, the individual may assume the responsibility for the loss, believing that if the rejection was their fault, then they can change or act differently and avoid future rejection. Rejection is felt in a person’s body as discomfort and physical pain.

Feelings of rejection may include:

Increased sensitivity to any further rejection; large or small

Subsequent losses being experienced as rejection

Questions such as “Why me?” or “What did I do or not do to deserve this?”

Children believing the crisis was their fault due to ego-centric thinking

Feeling judged, unwanted, different, “less than”, or “not good enough”

Constellation members may anticipate rejection, provoke rejection and/or defend against further rejection.

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